Mathematical Mindset: How our own views on math affect our child’s success

One of my favorite things about Montessori is the way it encourages a growth mindset. Montessori guides spend a great deal of time watching our children, without judgement, in order to connect them with the right material at the right time. So, too, do we observe our own thoughts and opinions, quietly and without judgement. And no where is this internal observation more important than in our attitude towards mathematics.

The Impact of Adult Mindset on Children

Over my years of math teaching, I’ve noticed something interesting. As a society, we’ve decided it’s okay to be bad at math… more than okay, it’s even normalized.

I’m sure you’ve heard someone say (or perhaps even said yourself), “I’m just not a math person”. This declaration is often met with sympathy and understanding… almost everyone can relate to the feeling of not being able to “do” math.

But what if someone said to you, “Oh, I’m just not a reading kind of person, it’s just too hard….”? Chances are your response would be very different- how could you not read? Reading is basic and it’s a critical skill… it’s impossible to not be able to read and to function in our current society, right? We even have a word for this, one with a very negative connotation- illiterate.

The truth is, being mathematically literate is just as important and being literate in a written language. And, for our children, the way a parent thinks about math is one of the first predictors of a child’s mathematical success.

According to a 2023 study in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology (summarized here by PsyPost.org),

“If a parent is anxious about mathematics or has negative attitudes towards mathematics, their child is more likely to have lower mathematics attainment…”

Even more startling, a mom’s negative attitude towards math had a more negative impact on her daughters’ math attitudes then on her sons’ (this is also thought to be true of female grade-school teachers and their female students).

Changing Our Outlook

Another study (this one conducted by the Research Now Group) found that 75% of middle school students reported having heard a parent speak negatively about math and almost half have encountered an adult who said, “I hate math.” So, if you have a negative relationship with math, you’re not alone. However, it is possible to adjust your mindset towards math (and no, re-taking that statistics class isn’t required). Let’s look a five easy ways you can model a positive attitude toward math for your child:

1. Try to avoid speaking negatively about math, especially around your child– I know this can be very hard to do when you are unable to help your child with their homework because the concept is too abstract (or the instructions just don’t make sense), but even a comment as simple as, ‘well, you’ll never use this in the real world anyway’ can have an impact on your child’s mathematical perception. Instead, try to re-frame things in a positive or constructive light. For example, when you run across that homework that you just can’t figure out, be solution oriented- “wow, I’m not sure how to solve this problem. How about we google it for an explanation?”
2. Acknowledge your child’s effort (instead of their accuracy)- Believe it or not, math is more about the thought process behind the problem solving than the right answer. By pointing out your child’s effort and growth (even when they get the answer wrong) you are validating their critical thinking skills. This also helps teach children that being good at math is a learned skill, not an innate quality that you either have or don’t have.
3. Model asking for help when you need it– No one knows the answer to everything (even math teachers) and it’s okay to reach out to others if you can’t figure something out. A math-minded relative, a teacher, or even the internet can be great resources.
4. Do math together– Find ways to incorporate math activities into your family routine. This can be as simple as counting the number of pine cones you see on a walk or skip counting together while you make dinner. If you haven’t already, check out our five-minute-math section for quick and easy math activities (that hardly feel like doing math).
5. Highlight real-world math- This doesn’t have to be complicated and it doesn’t have to match up with what your child is currently learning in school, but anytime you can point out real world math in action, your child will benefit. For example, if you’re baking you could say, “Hmm, the 1/2 cup is dirty, so I’m going to use math to figure out how many 1/4 cups I need to make 1/2. 1/4 +1/4 = 1/2, so I can use two 1/4 cups instead”.

Change Takes Time

As a closing thought, I want to acknowledge that change takes time. No one is perfect and there will be times when you talk negatively about math or let your frustration slip through. That’s more than fine- we all do it (and I promise, it won’t permanently hinder your child’s math abilities). The most important thing is to reflect on your mindset, without judgement, and look for opportunities for growth.